Widowhood is not just a label assigned to surviving spouses, but is a social status as well—and a female status at that, given that 85% of wives outlive their husbands. Losing a spouse is one of the most stressful events a person can experience. The death of a spouse may be due to unexpected circumstances or the loss may be an anticipated one due to an ongoing or terminal illness. In either case, the shock of losing someone you love can be paralyzing.
However, in the midst of all this emotion comes the necessity of dealing with the business of death. There are matters that require immediate attention, such as making proper burial arrangements, whether or not you feel able to attend to them or not. If a friend or relative is willing to help, their offer should be accepted. Even though you may think you are aware and totally capable, you are probably still in shock. Temporary numbness may prevent you from collapsing, but it also can impair your ability to make the best and most appropriate decisions.
For a period after the loss, there will be a number of details that need to be taken care of in a timely fashion, such as the myriad of financial issues surrounding insurances, survivor benefits, the costs of daily living, etc. In the midst of trying to learn how to “live as one,” you are also trying to settle back into life so as not to end up living the life of a recluse. Just knowing where to start is overwhelming enough to make you want to go back to bed and pull the covers up over your head in the hope that when you awaken, things will be settled. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work this way, and without the benefit of magic, the problems and issues to be settled will still be there. The fear of not knowing where to start or how to manage everyday life alone can be all consuming.
Regardless of what needs immediate attention, you still require time to grieve. Following the initial period of shock and numbness, even with an expected death, you must take the time to redefine an individual and social identity and settle into a new way of life.
AUTHOR:Joan Yuhas McGowan
MORE INFO: Excerpted from "Surviving Widowhood"
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